I attended their concert last Friday. More on the reviews later as I’m unable to type Chinese now. But one of the section that greatly moved and disturbed me was this.
Qing Feng (the lead singer) was sharing about his relationship with his father. He recalls that when he was young his father will bring him out every weekend to explore new parks to play. But he doesn’t recall since when they stopped talking to each other. Until one day when his father was critically ill and in the hospital, just as Qing Feng is about to leave the hospital room, his father called out to him and said “你要加油哦…” (It means something like Don’t give up and do your best). He walked out of the room and tears just stream down. And the next day he recorded this song as a demo and played it to his father.
Seriously, I was very “disturbed” after the section. Till the next day, I still feel very disturbed by it.
I’m disturbed not because I’m like him or that I don’t talk to my Dad. But rather I know there are always somethings between a Dad and his son. My bro doesn’t get along very well with my Dad. They always squabble with each other. Chubby doesn’t get along well with his Dad too, but that is for some more serious reason which I won’t share.
So how will it be like for my son and Chubby? You know the lyrics is so close to us that I can literally picture it with Chubby and Zai. Since we are both working, we always try to make the best of weekends for our kids. Especially to Zai who can’t stand staying at home for too long without activities. So we went exploring parks, go swimming and any activity we think might interest him. Just like how Qing Feng’s dad use to bring him around. Unlike in Taiwan, we don’t have the luxury to bring him to place that is closer to nature, but if we can we will do it.
Like Qing Feng’s dad, Chubby likes putting him on his shoulder too. To give him a good view of the surrounding and its less tiring for Chubby to carry. These few days when I see my son sitting on his Daddy’s shoulder, I will think of this song.
So will Chubby and our boy walk down the same path as Qing Feng and his Dad?
I brought up the topic to Chubby. I’m glad he didn’t brush it off but came out with a good reason from his point of view why such things happened. From his experience (?), he feels that its because traditionally, Asian fathers are the strict ones. When a boy is in his teens, he has a huge ego, so he will tend to rebel against things. However, the Asian fathers will tend to handle such rebels with a strict force and greater ego, thereby leading the boy to rebel even more. So it became a vicious cycle. And soon, they will be at “cold war”. But underlying, actually the boy is yearning the most recognition from his Dad, which Asian fathers are “stingy” in giving.
I think that Chubby is quite right. I really hope that by knowing this, Chubby will be able adopt a different approach next time when our boy grows up. You know, sometimes its easy to understand but its really difficult to do. Like these few days the boy had a huge problem eating his medicine. We both lost our patience with him. It reached a stage that Chubby actually caned him. I know it hurt his heart to cane him and he knows it won’t help much. But still, he can’t help it. Knowing and doing is really different.
I just hope that years later, I will still remember about this and calmly remind Chubby about it and hope that they will still remain as really good “friends”. My boy is actually more attached to Chubby than me. I really wish to see this continue forever and ever.
What are your thoughts about Father and Son? Are there ways to keep them still close to each other?